Skip to main content

Cumberland Clark - 'England's Worst Poet!'

 

Cumberland Clark (1862-1941), the ‘Bard of Bournemouth’, is reckoned by many to be England’s worst poet.

‘The Bournemouth air is toney
It bucks you up, and fills you out, if
Thin as macaroni.’

‘To learn about the Milk Supply, I nosed about with stealth.
Reports I found, were published by the Officer of Health.
The cowsheds and the dairies are inspected, you may read
And authorities assert that they are very fine indeed.’

‘That beautiful creature called Kate
I met near Kensington Gate.
She’d a costume like Eve’s
Minus stockings and sleeves
But otherwise quite up to date.’

‘Let me say a few words on the Square
From which you can get anywhere.
A well-designed centre, there isn’t a doubt
With features that fascinate all round about.
The sea trips from Bournemouth are many
Don’t say you haven’t tried any.
They’re cheap and enjoyable, when you’re in fettle
And doubtless they put a man on his mettle.’

‘The Canford Cliffs Hotel will do you very well
I’ve met girls when I’ve stayed there,
And in love I always fell.
At the Branksome Tower a minx
Once took me on the links.
She played with me, and holed in three,
And let me in for drinks.’

‘It’s built in various sections,
Sea views in two directions.
As for social meeting.
For drinking or for eating.
Tea rooms and beauteous balconies
Beset with flowers and shrub.
Where roughly fifteen hundred people
All can take their “grub”.’
(An Ode to Bournemouth Pavilion)

‘Let the bombs bounce round about us
And shells come whizzing by.
Down in our Air Raid shelter
We’ll be cosy, you and I.’

Sadly, this last poem was written just before Cumberland Clark and his housekeeper were killed in an air raid on Bournemouth on 10th April 1941. Multi-talented Cumberland Clark, the magnificently awful ‘Bard of Bournemouth’ also wrote in 1924 the words to the smash-hit song, Ogo Pogo!

(Illustration: Cumberland Clark)


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Panda Pops

Panda  Blue Rasperry Ade, Strawberry Jelly & Ice Cream and Casper Ghostly Limeade were all unique soft drink flavours produced by the Panda Pops brand owned by Badger Beers. Panda Pops were often sold in small bottles of fizzy drink that were as sweet and sticky as it was as possible for them to be. Other popular Panda Pop flavours were Cherry Ade and Bright Green Cola. Even more singular blends could be concocted by mixing two or more flavours in a Panda Pops mixing bowl. Panda Cola achieved a sort of cult status and there is even a song, ‘ Warm Panda Cola’ . While among Panda aficionados there was even the spoof blend of Princess Diana Memorial flavour! The Blandford drink competed remarkably well against American giants Coca Cola and Pepsi Cola. Panda Pops date back to the 1960s when the Blandford brewer dropped the name of Sunparlor for its soft drink brands. Sunparlor had also been the name of a winning race horse owned by a member of the Woodhouse family. Cream soda was...
3 comments
Read more

Greyhound Inn

In the 1700s, the Greyhound Inn was one of the three great coaching inns of Blandford and was both stylish and substantial. The other two great inns were the Crown and the Red Lion. In fact, the Greyhound dates back to the early 1600s. This inn was a regular stopping point for horse drawn coaches travelling between London and the West of England. The Greyhound was destroyed in the 1731 Great Fire of Blandford. It was then rebuilt with an impressive Market Place facing frontage together with sizeable back buildings which included stables, a tap room, workshops and a brewery. The front part covered 3,150 sq ft and the back buildings a further 3,100 sq ft. In 1779, the Inn was advertising it had an excellent and much used billiard table. On Bonfire Night in 1805, the Greyhound Inn was one of the many stopping points to change his horses for Lieutenant John Richards Lapenotiere of the Royal Navy. He was taking the news of victory at the Battle of Trafalgar and of Horatio Nelson’s death to ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Blandford’s Magpie Mick

Do you remember Mick Robertson - presenter with Jenny Hanley on ITV children’s programme Magpie  in the 1970s? For many years, Mick lived just outside Blandford in the village of Ibberton in the shadows of Bulbarrow Hill. Living nearby was Jack Hargreaves another television presenter and writer who had a keen interest in the North Dorset countryside.  Initially, Mick trained as a teacher before working in television as a researcher. After presenting Magpie, Mick produced many award winning programmes for children. In 2007, he was given the Special Children’s BAFTA Award for his television work . Although now retired Mick retains an interest in television as a family member is the Executive Producer on the popular television series the  Repair Shop. He is a lifetime follower of both County Cricket and Portsmouth Football Club. Together with  ex-Magpie presenting mate Tommy Boyd,  he is a regular contributor to internet radio station  Pompey Sound.  Mick...
Post a Comment
Read more